Aunt Status Update: The Fence Next Door (Comments Enclosed)

Status update, 11:04 PM, posted by my aunt to an audience of 412 people and God:

“Can’t say I’m surprised. Somebody bought a privacy fence and now the whole street has to hear about how ‘private’ they are. It’s fine. We don’t need to see each other. I’ve been meaning to decorate my back windows with mirrors anyway.”

The comments came in hot within minutes:

Brenda (friend): Always on the other side of things with them, no surprises. Paul (her brother): It’s a fence, Karen. Are we, in this family, at war with cedar? Karen (the aunt): The fake coyote on their porch has been watching me, Paul. I don’t trust it. Paul: I’m going to bed. Diane (neighbor): We can still see over it in winter. Just saying. Karen: Diane, this is exactly the kind of energy that fence deserves. THANK YOU.

Three years of adjacent lawn drama, compressed into one status, one fence, one unhinged coyote. The algorithm has never served anything realer. My tags are only respectful.